1.0
OK…review time. New review. Fighting game? Thats OK. Thats OK. I can get into it. Lets see what we’ve got. Mini-Fighters? Hmm…sounds…interesting. Icon looks a little like Mario in a chef’s hat spitting up an ice cube. Whatever.
Who the hell made this? Uhm… doesn’t say on the splash screen…lets check the about section. Huh…ok. No about section. I’ll check on iTunes later so I can put it in the review.
All right, three modes. Single player, tournament, and versus.
Well I’ll have to open up some guys in tournament later but lets just jump right in. Single player. What do we have?
Woh. This looks a LOT like Smash Brothers. Maybe Gameloft made this? I’ll take the Zelda clone: “Rinke.” Man…I hate when companies just bump resolution for iPad games but leave the same crappy textures as the iphone version. Still…I guess this looks ok.
Ok here we go. Game time. OK, I’m fighting the cat character…Bruce.
Lets see. How do I play? Kick buttons and punch buttons? Gestures? I only see one button. I’m going to push it. Ok a bar is filling up. I let go and Zelda threw a rod at the cat.
Whoop…I missed. WOH…was that…was that an octopus laughing at me?
Ok it’s Bruce’s turn. He’s throwing a….nun-chuck? Oh I get it. He’s Bruce Lee. But why is he a cat? I guess I don’t get it. Ok he missed. And up pops an octopus laughing again. Ok it’s definitely an octopus. When you throw and miss you get an octopus that looks like it’s being prodded in it’s anus and the other guy gets a laughing octopus. What’s with the octopi?
It’s my turn again. Is this…is this really all there is to this game? One button? Looks like each character has an ability modifier. Mine is…”X2?” Ok lets try it. X2 SON!
Oh…oh OK. I get to hit the throw button twice in a row. Hey at least I hit him. Though the bloody octopus animation I got for the hit was a little…weird. Uhm… but his health bar only went down a fraction. This is going to take awhile.
There’s got to be more to this game. I’m going to keep playing.
And your reward is...to not have to play anymore..
*two hours later*
NO MORE. PLEASE. THIS GA….THIS GAME IS TERRIBLE. This last match has been going on FORTY MINUTES. I’m so bored AND DISTURBED. These octopi are fucking SCARY. This thing is dis…NO MORE.
…please.
Rating:
One Anally Stimulated Octopus out of Five
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